過門都係客 – 母慈女孝 Make your Guests feel like Home

過門都係客 – 母慈女孝

飛星逐月女 ：媽，你渴了！喝口翠華的奶茶。

媽媽：女，你喝罷！你們吃多點，一會兒方有力跟港燦爭小學雞學位。

百鳥朝凰女：媽，為什麼港鐵沒有桌子的？要我怎樣吃這盒鏞記叉燒飯呢？香港的動車很落後呀！

媽媽：女，香港的車廂內是不准飲食的。

飛星逐月女 ：我也聽過。香港人的優越已盡失了！LONDON 的地鐵是可以吃的！

百鳥朝凰女：他們香港人敢對我們無禮嗎？我們是來為他們增添生活的！

飛星逐月女 ：對呀！吃飯是人權！這條不准飲食的法，真是不人道。港人真杯具！

媽媽：你們真懂事！大了一定拿孔子和平獎！

百鳥朝凰女：媽媽，我吃飽了，我要便便！

飛星逐月女 ：妹，你大了，不能老叫媽媽擔心！

媽媽：過門也是客，我們應該當香港自己的屋企一樣啊！踎在地上痾吧！

百鳥朝凰女：但車那麼搖！不怕人家罵我們嗎？

飛星逐月女 ：怕什麼？你沒聽過有人說香港人是狗來的，狗也是隨地痾！

百鳥朝凰女：但狗也痾在報紙上吧？

媽媽：沒報紙，難道不痾？要弄髒你們的LV 套裝？況且，這裡沒有不准大小便的溫馨提示！

飛星逐月女 ：對呀！你不痾就是不給香港人面子！人家會說他們招呼不周的！

百鳥朝凰女：好吧！就學他們的特首一句說話：玩大佢！盡地一舖吧！

媽媽：你兩姊妹真情深，媽媽太感動了。

Make your Guests feel like Home

Daughter 1: Do you want the famous milk tea from Tsui Wah Restaurant?

Mother: It’s ok! You two eat and drink more. Later, you need to fight for the primary school places with other Hong Kongers’ kids.

Daughter 2: Mum, how come there is no table in the train? How could I eat my roasted beef lunch box from Yun Kee? The trains in Hong Kong are like from the Flintstones!

Mother: It is prohibited to eat and drink in the trains in Hong Kong.

Daughter 1: I also heard of it. Hong Kong is losing it. People are allowed to eat in LONDON.

Daughter 2: Those Hong Kongers dare not offend us as we are here to spend money and raise their living standards.

Daughter 1: Yes, eating in the subway is a basic human right. This rule is a clear violation of human rights. Hong Kong is so pathetic.

Mother: My dearest daughters, you two are so smart. You will be awarded with the Confucius Peace Prize!

Daughter 2: Mum, I’m full and I need to poo.

Daughter 1: Sis, you are a big girl. You should not let mum worry about you anymore.

Mother: We are honourable guests here in Hong Kong. We should treat here like home. Just squat and poo!

Daughter 2: But… the train is so jerky. Would other people scold us?

Daughter 1: Scold? You never heard that a scholar of our GREAT motherland said Hong Kongers are dogs. Dogs pee and poo on the floor.

Daughter 2: But… dogs pee and poo on a piece of newspapers.

Mother: If no newspapers, people can’t poo? You can’t be so silly to poo in your LV clothes, can you? And, there is no warmly notice of no poo-ing and peeing!

Daughter 1: Exactly! If you don’t poo it here, you are not giving face to Hong Kongers! Others would say they did not treat us well!

Daughter 2: Ok! As Chief Executive of Hong Kong once lied to them, “Make it BIG!”

Mother: I am very touched! What a sisterhood!

在德國餐廳的中國佬

我死不信 1) 那大陸人”倒知覺悟” 2) “將罰款單子影印了，各分一份，以作警惕” 3) 把糗事在互聯網公開。 在大膽假設大陸什麼都假，只有騙子是真的前題下，我找到了跟這故事十分類似的網上流言: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110510040124AAtncNf

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當大陸人與上報上的情況，以下情況應更貼近現實：
「我操你的B，要不是中央政府照顧你們歐元區，完蛋了！ 」(Video Reference 1) 其中一位仁兄搖搖頭揮揮手別過臉說。德國餐廳的老闆還是固執相信眼前的大陸人是異於禽獸者，應還有點惻隱羞惡辭讓是非之心，便好心勸導：「資源是大家的，這樣對很多非洲沒吃的不公平。 」另一位仁兄不屑的邊用咀巴玩弄著口邊的牙櫼，邊氣燄凌人說：「我不是德國人，我是大陸人。德國人覺得公平十分重要，我們內地人不在乎這些。 」(Video Reference 2) 德國餐廳老闆見他們無賴，唯有報警。結果，警察到來給他們開罰款單子。那兩位仁兄大發雷霆把兩張單子撕掉，還大刺刺地坐回位子對老闆呼喝咆哮：「我有錢，可以畀多啲錢，先給我多點德國腸！你這頭雜種王八旦狗！FICK DICH！」(Video Reference 3 & 4) 回國後，更在天涯唱衰德國，說他們不懂好客之道。

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There is a story circulated on the internet for years about 2 humble good mainland Chinese visited a restaurant in Germany. They did not finish their food and the owner of the restaurant told them that “Money is your. Resources belong to everyone.” They were therefore fined by the police for the leftover. The good humble mainland Chinese photocopied the ticket to remind themselves not to waste food.

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As professionally trained, I did a little bit of research on google and yahoo and found a similar story in English:  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110510040124AAtncNf

The story was said to be fake because 1) there is no such law in Germany; 2) there are different versions of Deutsche Marks and Euro; 3) If it happens now, it can’t be the reaction of the mainland Chinese being that humble. Here is more likely what will happen:

“I fuck your mother’s cunt. If it is not the PRC government taking care of your Euro zone, it’s finished!” (Video Reference 1) said one of the mainland Chinese guy shaking his head and waving his hand while he turned his face away. The good German was so naive to believe that the two mainland Chinese were those good humble smiling Asian and tried to persuade them, “The money is yours. Resources belong to everyone and this is not fair to those who is starving in Africa.” Another mainland Chinese toying the toothpick on his lips jeered, “I am not German, I am mainland Chinese. You, German, think fairness is important, but we, mainland Chinese, don’t give a shit to it.” (Video Reference 2) The restaurant owner was disappointed so he called the Polizie. Polizie came and issued two penalty tickets to each of them. The two mainland Chinese were furious and tore the papers in front of them. Instead of running away from the crime scene, they had the balls to sit back to their seats and yelled, “I have money, I can give more, give me more Currywursts first! You are Dogs and Bastards! FICH DICH!” (Video Reference 3 & 4). After they went back to China, they told everyone on internet how unfriendly the German are.

Video reference:

1. http://youtu.be/g2S8TihKMBQ 要不是中央政府照顧你們香港，完蛋了 “If it is not PRC government taking care of you Hong Kong, it’s finished.”

2. http://cablenews.i-cable.com/webapps/news_video/index.php?news_id=375986 香港人覺得公平最重要，我們內地人不在乎這些 “Hong Kong people think fairness is important, we, mainland Chinese, don’t give a shit to it.”

3. http://orientaldaily.on.cc/cnt/news/20120118/00176_043.html 我有錢，可以畀多啲錢，先睇我老婆！”I have money, I can give more, look at my (sick) wife first.”

4. http://youtu.be/a2uINfAKOxc (with English subtitle) 香港人是王八旦及狗 Chinese scholar said “Hong Kongers are dogs and bastards” on TV because a Hong Konger told a mainland Chinese not to eat on the subway.

問世間情為何物，直搗急症北院

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有個人肯背著你走一晚，為你擔心，為你奔走，為你跟人大發雷霆。這就是幸福！

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最後，男的背著女的在明月下的吐露港公路走。女的說：”向陽哥！你把我放棄吧！我這病是沒得救的了！” 向陽不理，眼中只有恨，恨你班港燦，病要排隊醫！死要攞number 葬! 向陽激憤仰天長嘯，吐血而亡。女的在地上爬向男：”向陽哥，不可以死！不可以死在這壞透的醫療制度！” 女人含淚，要為男人報仇。就是這份怨念，女的生存下來。為了向這麻木不仁的醫療制度反擊，她決定闖！關！她一有了孩子，就來北院闖！看你奈她什麼何! 生到滿地雙非人，就是來討債！

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Mid-age Mainlander with his wife on his back shouting at the ER in Hong Kong, “I have money, I can pay more, look at my wife first!” ——- A man carrying you on his back, running around for you, worrying about you, yelling at others because you don’t get the best treatment. He is not afraid of offending the whole world for you. What can the sick lady ask for more?

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The man dashed out of the ER and ran on the To Lo Kong Highways under the white moon light shining on their pale faces. The lady said to him, “Xian-yan, put me down, my sickness could not be cured anyway, give me up.” The man swept off his tears and continued running. He was angry because of the bureaucracy and discrimination of the medical system and he thought these Hong Kongers are pathetic: when they are sick, they need to wait; when they are dead, they also need to wait to rest in peace. He screamed to the sky and he passed away because of the anger, exhaustion and frustration. The lady fell on the ground and cried. She demanded an eye for an eye. Her hatred kept her survived.

Since then, whenever she got pregnant she would just run in any hospitals of Hong Kong without booking while water was running down her thighs to force the hospital to admit her to give birth to these children whose parents are both not Hong Kongers. It is the revenge to the medical system in Hong Kong and to get a payback from the cruel Hong Kongers who will pay for her kids forever!

Newslink: http://the-sun.on.cc/cnt/news/20120118/00407_002.html

Videonews: http://orientaldaily.on.cc/cnt/news/20120118/00176_043.html